Welcome to Delicious or Distressing, where we rate recent food memes, videos, and other entertainment news. Last week we discussed Padma Lakshmi’s departure from Top Chef.

It’s a formative, unifying childhood experience for many to order a Spongebob Popsicle from the ice cream truck and receive a maimed, abstracted interpretation of the beloved cartoon character—nightmare fodder indeed. Implausibly, the latest iteration of the Spongebob Popsicle is even creepier, with chocolate chips for eyes rather than his trademark gumballs. Questionable flavor aside, I’ve created an unshakable image in my mind of his beady chocolate-chip eyes, and I can’t say I like it.

In other food news, spiral hot dogs are making the rounds online, and they’re both whimsical and practical. A Geoguessr whiz used his ace geography whiz to track down a “gatekept” bagel, but the story didn’t end well. Lastly, in LA, some neighborhood residents are pissed after repeatedly receiving unsolicited, free deliveries of McDonalds from UberEats. We are not the same.

Here’s what else is happening in food moments on the internet this week.

The SpongeBob Popsicle no longer has gumball eyes

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Absorbent and yellow with…chocolate eyes is he! The Spongebob Popsicle’s iconic but creepy gumball eyes are getting replaced with thin chocolaty lookers as part of a “new and improved design,” according to a statement to Today.com. Fans took to Twitter complaining about the pairing of chocolate with the fruit-punch-flavored iced treat. “They took the gumballs off the spongebob popsicle and replaced them w chocolate chips,” said one. “End of times.” Others chimed in saying they never liked the gumballs. But the question remains: What will Spongebob look like when those chocolaty layers melt in the hot summer sun? “Are you ready kids?” Nay nay, captain. The kids are not ready. 5/5 distressing. —Urmila Ramakrishnan, associate director of social media

Spiral hotdogs are the latest summer BBQ hack

There are a few things in the world that were created so well, so exactly perfect on the first try that it feels virtually impossible to improve upon them. Saturday afternoons come to mind, for example, or Beyoncé. Also: hotdogs. Of course, we all have our favorites, but by and large there’s not much to improve upon when it comes to hotdog design—or so I thought. I was shocked to discover the spiralized hotdog, a brave new innovation by TikTok creator Carolina Gelen in the hotdog space. This groundbreaking hotdog trick is exactly what it sounds like: a traditional dog, scored in a spiral from top to bottom. According to the (imagined) hotdog scientists that I interviewed, this optimizes its boingy-ness factor, significantly enhances its surface area to capture toppings ratio, and, of course, improves upon the synergy of its crispy-crunchy edges. If you’re not a scientist, let me cut through the jargon for you: spiral hotdog tastes good. I’m giving this one a smokey, spiraled 5/5 delicious. — Sam Stone staff writer

A Geoguessr champion went viral over finding a “gatekept” bagel, but drama ensued

Are some things better gatekept? Recently, a TikTok user claimed to “gatekeep” a bagel by not sharing where he bought it from. The Geoguessr champion and possible FBI recruit Trevor Rainbolt, famous for tracking down the location of literally anything even if he’s only got a pixel to go on, jumped on the case. Scouring Google Maps and interviewing bagel shop enthusiasts for more than 80 hours, he eventually pinned down Bagel Market in New York as the source. The story doesn’t end there, though. The original TikTok creator, a Pace University student who was really just vibing hard with his bagel, has apparently been receiving racist and homophobic comments for being a gatekeeper. As Katie Notopoulos writes for GQ, it’s a classic example of internet brain rot: Something petty and entertaining devolving into online harassment. 4.9/5 distressing, keep that gate firmly latched. —Karen Yuan, culture editor

LA residents are baffled by free food deliveries

My dream day goes as follows: I hear my doorbell ring-a-dinging. I haul ass upstairs only to find—not a door-to-door salesman schilling Tupperware—but a surprise UberEats delivery I did not order on my stoop. Inside the brown bag there’s a huggeee container of McDonald’s fries, already platonically soggy, about to get dunked in fancy ketchup. For some lucky folks in Los Angeles, my aspiration is their reality—only, they’re very unhappy about the situation???

For months, residents of Range View Avenue in Highland Park have been inundated with accidental UberEats deliveries, with the rogue goods ranging from iced matcha lattes to bottles of water and—yes—Mickey D’s fries. (One woman received three individual deliveries of America’s best potatoes.) Nobody really knows what’s happening, but some residents think it’s an attempt by fraudsters to take stolen credit cards for a test drive. Thanks to resident complaints, UberEats is looking into it and has already allegedly blocked some accounts ordering to the area. All I can say is that whining about free food just feels so LA. Like, would you feel differently if a $979 Erewhon delivery showed up? SMH. That’s a 4.9/5 distressing for the ungratefuls. —Ali Francis, staff writer

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